you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this will be a night to untag.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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