2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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