dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize