my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
