i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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