Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
