I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
