i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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