4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
