Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
