and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
