Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
