We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
