So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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