Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
