it hurts more in the daytime
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
