If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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