we have pet lesbian snakes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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