You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
