ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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