So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
