my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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