I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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