just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
