Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
