Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
