oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
