last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
