I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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