he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
