Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Are we still banned from the library?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
