I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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