I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
