Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
