Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
