I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
