Can Purell be used as lube?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
