I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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