she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
