did you get engaged???
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
