Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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