me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish you could order shots online.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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