Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You can't special order awesome
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
