she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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