I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I came so hard my ears popped.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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