well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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