operation harelip BJ is a go
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
