how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
