So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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