Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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