I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
