He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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