You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
