I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
