no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
