Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
