i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
