i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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