She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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