I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
