I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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