you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
