And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
