You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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