Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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