are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
did you just send me my own nude
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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