Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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