i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
