The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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