I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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