Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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