were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
