Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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