You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
