He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize