rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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