I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
