He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
