I just made out with a guy for $7.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
