I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
