dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
